oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize