i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
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Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize