Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just high enough for therapy.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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