i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
