turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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