the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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