If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
