there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
