I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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