Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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