i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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