Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you never un-have a 4some
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
