While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
