my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
