Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
