ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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