so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize