I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
