my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
