Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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