Say something about gay babies.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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