I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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