His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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