end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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