i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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