North Korea, Best Korea!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
