He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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