I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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