i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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