we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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