You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize