you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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