white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Randomize
