My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
