Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
