Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
