Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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