Sponge bath it is.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
