i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
