i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
