i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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