Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus