I wish my penis had an off switch
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
