Texts From Last Night

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  (434): View more from Virginia

  I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.

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  (434): I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach. http://tfl.nu/7n8a
  Replies (14) Good night (4152) Bad night (681)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach

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  (813): he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach http://tfl.nu/e6go
  Replies (25) Good night (3068) Bad night (2827)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous

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  (973): she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous http://tfl.nu/o10z
  Replies (9) Good night (1427) Bad night (5215)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

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  (250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5
  Replies (30) Good night (7559) Bad night (1291)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog

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  (860): That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog http://tfl.nu/ckju
  Replies (6) Good night (1340) Bad night (3024)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!

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  (604): Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car! http://tfl.nu/7dcx
  Replies (6) Good night (5019) Bad night (1228)
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  (894): View more from

  just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit

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  (894): just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit http://tfl.nu/2422
  Replies (16) Good night (7231) Bad night (865)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.

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  (631): I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight. http://tfl.nu/8jy4
  Replies (5) Good night (1638) Bad night (987)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer

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  (585): Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer http://tfl.nu/enk8
  Replies (4) Good night (2110) Bad night (773)
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  (510): View more from California

  I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...

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  (510): I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant... http://tfl.nu/doz4
  Replies (17) Good night (622) Bad night (1837)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.

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  (586): In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies. http://tfl.nu/9bz2
  Replies (4) Good night (996) Bad night (608)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.

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  (289): Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel. http://tfl.nu/rxj6
  Replies (8) Good night (1013) Bad night (904)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe

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  (512): Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe http://tfl.nu/yms0
  Replies (7) Good night (330) Bad night (713)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?

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  (609): I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian? http://tfl.nu/utza
  Replies (1) Good night (281) Bad night (513)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.

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  (503): It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds. http://tfl.nu/d7uw
  Replies (0) Good night (553) Bad night (238)

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