the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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