I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
