...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
