I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
