Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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