I wish I could teleport
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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