Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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