Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
