I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
