did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
