she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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