took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
