5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
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Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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