he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
