hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
