you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
