Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
