I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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