I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
