he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All the doctor said was why
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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