drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
