Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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