you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And then he peed in my hair
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