This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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