Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
