Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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