Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She is in my trunk
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
its not stalking. its research.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
