Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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