Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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