so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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