somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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